Whispered Insanity

Summer

2005-07-07T03:48:10Z

Well crap. I've gotten so caught up in other things, i feel like my life is slipping away from this whole jounral stuff...although its a way of keeping me internally sane.
I got back from Cancun today, and honestly, i feel like a whole new person. The trip sucked. Ok well it didn't suck but it had major downs and major major ups-Cancun isn't half of what i thought it was going to be, and all i felt like the whole week was a hunk of meat that dirty fucking mexicans love to whistle at. I left for Cancun thinking it would be an experience. Good friends, new group, different country, different surroundings; but the minute i stepped off the plane i couldn't wait to go home.

This summer has been so different than what i pictured it to be. I thought i would be bumping into a lot of people-fellow classmates, maybe some teachers,but i haven't. Suprisingly, i'm not even upset. I thought it was going to be so hard to leave all the memories i have here, but as summer goes on it seems to be getting easier and easier. I dont know why that it. Maybe because i was given the time i was given for a reason, and now the time i presently have is the time i can choose to learn from or lose. i guess thats a good way of looking at it. Either way, i can say i've had my ups and downs but i've had the time of my life.

P.S-i think i'm going to change my college major to some sort of writing. and maybe Minor in Music. I just can't seem to escape it...nor do i ever ever want to.

It feels soooooo good being back in America.
Peace Out.

"You can't be let down it you don't expect the world..."

Love You EJ.Hope you're lovin' summer. Miss You.

FORGIVE ME!

2005-06-17T17:56:03Z

Well good god. I haven't written in this thing for so long. Apologies, apologies!

Its been a mad house around here. Its been a mad house pretty much everywhere. I feel like all the sudden things started moving in fast forward. Just a month ago i was sitting in school telling myself i had time left to take in everything, now i sit at home, never having to return back to high school. Its very scary.

I feel as though most of my friends are ready to move on. I guess i am one of the very few who are sad to see this time come. Its a huge milestone in my life, and don't get me wrong; its VERY exciting. But these past 4 years have made me the person i am, and the person i wish to be in the future. How do i turn my back so quickly on something that took 4 years to finish? Yesterday i walked down the halls one last time. I took in everything. Took mental pictures of every hallway, the football field, baseball field, the parking lots, everything. I held Chucks hand as we walked down the hallway, and thought to myself "i'll remember this moment when my kids are in high school." It just seems as though this last month has been nothing bu still frame pictures. Every face you capture is another you add to your memory. Every laugh you share with someone is a laugh you hope you'll remember years down the road. Memories; they've got me so stuck here, i can harldy move. Everything i ever hoped for was here. This place is my home, Madison was my home, and before i know it, my home will be 2 hours away....in a whole new world.
I can't walk away. I can't get myself to celebrate never having to return to this place, because the truth is, i don't want to leave.
Graduation announcements, graduation parties, summer, its all chaos. Its part of a mad house. I hate this feeling. Maybe its cuz i hate goodbyes so much.

Oh well, its like they say "On your journey to life, when one door closes, another one opens."
I guess thats really true. I just wish i had more time to perpare myself.

Thats enough for today...peace out.

Eric, i made it. I graduated. Can you believe it? I can't. It was a bumpy road, and i definitely had my ups and downs. I wish you were here to celebrate with me EJ. I had dreams of seeing you at my graduation, and spending our whole summer together. I had dreams of our sleep overs, Will's guitar, my porch, and so many memories...i had dreams of you and me Eric. I wish my dreams could come true.
I can't wait to see you. I love you, and i know you'll be watching over me when i walk across that stage. You're all i think about.
KWAM...

Brighter Side

2005-05-20T12:54:00Z

As creepy as this sounds...i want this song tattooed on my back; just parts of it. With eric's picture in the middle. i think that would be real tight.
This song explains a good part of my thought process...

Sometimes
I forget that you're not here
Can't believe it's been a year
Since you flew away
And I never got to say goodbye
Good times
Hangin' out til the break of dawn
Listening to Bob
And singin along
Every little thing it's gonna be
It's gonna be all right...

I know that you're gonna fly
Somewhere brighter on the other side
And one day I'm gonna be there too
Where the sun is shining and the water's blue
I know that you're gonna fly
Somewhere brighter on the other side
I know you're somewhere where you're finally free
You'll always be a part of me
Like the moon is to the sea

They say you don't know
A good thing till it's gone
But I got to say they're wrong
I knew you were a good friend
A good friend all along
I wish the world wouldn't be so cold
As to take such a beautiful soul
But despite it all I know we gotta carry on

I know that you're gonna fly
Somewhere brighter on the other side
And one day I'm gonna be there too
Where the sun is shinin and the water's blue

I know that you're gonna fly
Somewhere brighter on the other side
I know you're somewhere where you're finally free
And you'll always be a part of me
Like the moon is to the sea

I know that you're gonna fly
Somewhere brighter on the other side..
Always be a part of me...

If I could rewind time
Then I'd like to let you know
Just one thing before your time go
That every moment you were living was a blessing to me
And I saw inside of you things that others couldn't see
Now people put you down for the way that you lived
But those people never knew you the way that I did
Don't be ashamed of who you were of how you died
I know you just wanted to find the brighter side...

I know that you're gonna fly
Somewhere brighter on the other side
And one day I'm gonna be there too
Where the sun is shining and the water's blue
I know that you're gonna fly
Somewhere brighter on the other side
I know you're somewhere where you're finally free
And you'll always be a part of me...

I know that you're gonna fly
I know that you're gonna fly

VCU!

2005-05-20T12:50:36Z

Well i got my roommate assignments the other day for school. i'm so excited! I'm in Brandt, which are the brand new dorms, and i got a suit that i share with 3 other girls; one of which lives right down the street from me in Oak Hill. I am majoring in business, and my roommate in majoring in Humanities and Sciences(??) and the other 2 are majoring in the Arts...so i'm real excited, cuz we're all interested in different stuff.
I can't wait to get to VCU. After finding my room assignment stuff, i just wanna get out of here right now! But i'm still loving life around here.

Anywho, CSI was absolutely amazing last night. I was left speechless; and honestly i dont know why im going on about a TV show. :)

No exciting news except VCU news. Other than that i'm working and thats about it. How flippin' exciting!

Peace Out!

Love You EJ. Miss You.
KWAM...

HOLY CRAP

2005-05-12T02:13:51Z

Well its been about a DECADE since i have update this thing, and to be honest, i dont even remember what happened btwn my last entry and tonight...the only thing i feel that is worthy of sharing is...

WMZQ Fest 2005!
I have no words to explain HOW MUCH FUN i had on Saturday. It was one of the CRAZIEST days of MY LIFE.

It started at around 10:15 that morning- Carly,Emily D and Lauren F came over to my house. We went to run some errands (Manhattan Bagel,7-11~TO GET THE GIGANTIC GULPS! AAHH!, then we went and picked up the juice for the day.) After the errands, we met at Jenny M's house to get the cars packed and head to Nissan. Garner drove me Carly and Em, and then Jenny Cush and Caitlin D were in another car. Rich and Dylan were in another car,Alison Convey(????) and Amina (i love that girl) were in one car, and Erin and Galina were in the other car! Ok so we drove out to Nissan. We were already getting ahead on the juice intake, so the ride out there was pretty tight. We jammed out to some black people music, and just chilled-real tight.

Ok, so once we ARRIVED! We all parked right by each other, and just chilled by the cars. Then we met up with some Gonzaga dudes at their lot, and ate and juiced up more and then chilled. Then we headed back to our cars and danced on top of the cars and just partied hard. Pat Steph Vince Chuck and Geiger showed up a little later, which was tight cuz we all got to chill more. Then a couple of us went and talked to Mr.Spencer for a while. He was there with some baseball friends i guess-i don't know. Anyway, i don't really remember a lot of the day. All i know is that we got kicked out of chillin by are cars, and we were told to go into the concert, but Emily and i weren't ready, so we went to chill with Pat and them again.

So we chilled at Pats car and chilled with some friends we met. I LOVE TOM! then we finally went into the concert. I dont remember ANY of the music, except "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." But oh well, good enough for me. So we left the concert around 9pm, never saw Lonestar(Don't know who they are, and don't care), and then we drove home. Me Carly Emily and Lauren went to Aly's where her Dad came home 2 hours early and we all had to dip-EVEN ALY LEFT. hahaha! So everyone came back to my house and we chilled. Lauren and i went on an adventure after we got back...and the rest is my little secret..."It's between you me and THEM!!"
And there you have it--WMZQ Fest 2005 (In a NUTSHELL)
IT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yea-other than WMZQ i've been working and thats about it...not too shabby.

Anyway, there is an update--FINALLY!

Peace Out!

Love You E_Ric. KWAM Baby...

atragedyapart @ 2005-05-01T09:47:00

2005-05-01T13:50:25Z

well i haven't written in forever. To be honest, nothing has really happened. I'm working at Water Water Everywhere...and thats what ive been doing with most of my time.

Last night Chuck Jimmy Boles Ian Anna Joey Jordan Deal Steph Emily D and Michelle came over. We all chilled and drank a little. It was real tight. I love Jimmy. He's so funny.

But yea anyway, my mom came downstairs which she NEVER does, and found Ian and Anna on the couch. so she woke me up pissed as shit and told me to take them home. Then i came home with a real good story and she forgave me...i fucking love my mom and she loves me. thats how we roll. haha

Well anyway, no news. sorry. Same ol' shit just a different day.

WMZQ-6 DAYS!!!!!!!!
Nathans Birthday-13 DAYS!!

Well maybe i'll have more exciting news later.
Peace Out!

Love You EJ. KWAM...

atragedyapart @ 2005-04-24T21:14:00

2005-04-25T01:24:45Z

Although it is time for a much needed update, i really don't have any exciting news.
My 420 was absolutely amazing. I got to stay home the whole day and just chill at my house. Boles,Baker,Chuck,Will,Deal,Erin,Bridge,Jimmy,Joey, and Jordan came over. We just chilled and chilled and then hit up Subway. Then we went to Ash Naz's and chilled there. 3 shady kids were there from Oakton, i don't know if i'm down with them or not. but oh well. Anyway...then Me, Bridget, and Vince went to Zel's. I chilled there all afternoon with her and Felice. We did some arts and crafts, haha, and then went to Wing Night. My day was amazing.

Thursday i was real tired, so i really didn't do anything. Friday i worked til' 10 and then hung out with Nathan until 2. Went home, slept, and then went to work from 11-5:30. I came home, showered, and then went to Deals. Chilled with Joey and Jordan the whole time, and then went and watched a movie at Nathans til' 2. Him and i had a long talk on Friday night and straightened shit up. I just told him i was tired of the bullshit attitude games, and that if we were gonna be friends then we were both gonna have to grow up and start facing reality...so thats what him and i are doing. So far its going real well. I've hung out with him all weekend, and its been really relaxing.

But anyway, yea thats my life since my last update.

Peace Out!

Love You EJ-thanks for my visit last night. I wish i could have stopped crying, but its like i say "if i only had one more day"...and it felt like that one more day. i love you and i miss you so much.
KWAM...

atragedyapart @ 2005-04-19T22:39:00

2005-04-20T02:57:01Z

Ahh! its been like a year since i've written...geeze!

Well where do i start?
Thursday perhaps?

Well Thursday was A M A Z I N G. I had soo much fun! Craigor had a double, YES DOUBLE, kegger. It was soo tight. Deal and i rolled up at around 6:30, and i started playing some beer pizong. Erin was my team mate, and to my surprise, we were pretty damn good. There were 100+ people there; from Madison,Marshall,McLean(fags),and even Oakton(more fags). and the best thing about it all-IT DIDN'T GET BUSTED. I don't know HOW it didn't but Craig Nathan and Porkchop did a DAMN good job of kickin' it...mad props.

I, of course, got my groove on..I made Craig 5 CD's, and he set up a black light so we all could dance in the basement. It was actually real tight. Latoya was there, so i got some lessons from her on how to strut my stuff. haha. I suck, but Megan wasn't too bad. haha. We're just getting ready for CANCUN! OW OWW!

I won't go over the drama of the night because, well its been a few days since it all went down- but i'll just say a few words...
"It's easy being easy." -and that goes out to 2 junior girls who know exactly who they are...and god damn, you both make me wanna throw up. But its whatever...

So yea, all in all-Thursday was one of the best times ever.

Friday-Chris and i left for VCU. We got completely tanked Saturday at the Strawberry Hill races, but i had an AWESOME time. I hung out with Olivia and my bro's girlfriend, and we just shot the shit all day. It was real tight.

I brought home Lance the Tiger-What a loyal companion. haha.

But yea i got bored writing this one. This weekened was just too good for words.
Peace Out!

Happy Holidays Everyone...BLUEBERRY YUM YUM BITCHES. SMOKE DAT CHEECH AND DAT CHOOONNNGGGG.

EJ-Celebrate it. You couldn't last year, but i know you'll be making up for it this year. I love you soo much, and believe me...i'm dedicating this day to you. KWAM...

A Weekend For The BOOKS.

2005-04-10T21:41:08Z

Wow. Where to start. This weekend was friggin amazing. From Friday to Sunday; it was soooo tight!

Friday: Got out of school and went to a job interview. Got a job at Water Water Everywhere, which is tight,cuz im done with Job Searching! What a pain in the ass. But ANYWAY...

After my job interview i went home and got cleaned up and then Megan Erin and Ashley came over. We started drinking at my house before we went to Joey's, which was real tight cuz i was already hammered by the time we left my house. Ashley thought it would be a genius idea to play Up The River-Down The River, which i got CRUNKED.The we played Fuck the Dealer,which i somehow ALWAYS get fucked. THEN Ashley had ANOTHER GENIUS idea to play QUARTERS. Now, ive NEVER played Quarters, so i sucked at it. Who HONESTLY CAN GET A QUARTER IN A FREAKIN SHOT GLASS!!!!!! I DEFINITELY CANT! But it was fun anyway-Me and Erin did really bad,and just were completely sloshed.
So we call Brandon to come pick us up (which didnt make him happy) and then we went to Joey's. Played some more card games, and then some whack ass people showed up, which i hate when people come who aren't welcome. So Joey kicked everyone out-which we really didnt need to leave but me and Megan were trippin out so we had Brandon take us to McDonalds. And then after that Joey just dropped us off at my house and me and Megan went right to sleep. it was 10:45. haha. But it was straight cuz i slept soo well, which was good cuz SATURDAY NIGHT!!..OOO!!!!!!

Ok,Saturday-where to start. Well i went to the baseball/Lax game at Madison. They both got their asses kicked-so i left with Dari, and then i came back to my house to get cleaned up and then Joey came over. So we shot some hoops outside, and then brad,4man,jordan,cole,sterling(?),Ashley,and Sam came over and we spadaydayed here(as perry would say.)Then i went and got Dari and we went to Brads and chilled there. Joey was HILARIOUS!. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOU JOSEPH! Then we rolled to Craigs KEGGER! It was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tight. There were SOO many people there. And everyone was just getting crunked and having the best time. It was soo tight. All of Madisons seniors were there, which was TIGHT AS SHIT. Girls beat the guys in Flip Cup 4-2. THATS HOW ITS DONE!
I did my first keg stand, which i kinda sucked,but i did pretty well for my first time. After that i got to chill with Steph, which i never have done before-so that was MAD tight.
So last night was just unexplainable. I was sooo fucked up-and it was amazing.
and to top off my amazing night-i got to sleep in Craigs bed, which is heaven. I dont know what it is about the Johnson household-but the BEDS! man are they amazing.haha. As i always say-Mad props to Janet.hahaha.

Sunday was chill. Woke up around 11 and helped Craig finish cleaning up. We cleaned the floor with vinegar which was kinda weird?? Does anyone else do that? I guess its just something Janet is down with.haha
Came home and chilled and then went and played Ultimate Frisbee with Jeff Ginny Chris Cody Conor KT D (i love that girl) Kumar SteveNARC Welch Will Miller and Izzy . I love those guys. I had never talked to Narc but he's a really nice guy. i liked him a lot. And Izzy-what a good kid. Mad good Karma.I like good Karma people.

So yea thats my weekend. Awesome weather.Awesome people.Awesome Karma.Awesome Boozin.Awesome Chillin.
Another weekend for the books...

-thanks Craig!-

Peace out!

"If you're gonna GET high, you need you BE high."
Best thing ever.

Love You EJ.I know you enjoyed this weekend just as much as i did. Love you babyboo.
KAWM...

atragedyapart @ 2005-04-07T11:03:00

2005-04-07T15:07:36Z

Well i'm pretty sure that everyone would agree with me that yesterday was a SLURPEE day. So of course i took Baker up on the offer of going to 7-11 during lunch to make a Slurpee run for the table. Well that old bitch Ms.Parker just has to a complete ass! No leeway for the Seniors, no "lettin' it slide" cuz it was during lunch. NOTHIN! Just a lame ass trip to Mr.Yohe's office...which suprisingly he was really nice. I dont have a problem with him...but anyway...I along with 4 other people can no longer park on school grounds. WHAT A BITCH. But honestly, i'm not sweating it. I have less than 3 months and then im FREE!

Well thats my news. I got to dip out of my HELL HOLE OF A 5th PERIOD. I HATE MS.WYDRA. AHH, THAT CLASS DRIVES ME CRRRRAAAAZZZYYYYY.

But yea, anyway-i'm out...

Lovin' the Spring time baby!

Peace out!

Love You E_ric. It's time to bring out those fine POLO's!

atragedyapart @ 2005-04-05T21:08:00

2005-04-06T01:25:43Z

Ah this weather has been friggin' amazing. Today was GORGEOUS! i came home and changed into shorts and a t-shirt. it was awesome.

Hung out with Nathan today. We RANDOMLY went to the driving range so he could whack some golf balls. HE SUCKS. Only 4 out of 25 balls went past the 100 marker, and one even went behind him. I was cracking up.

But yea anyway...today was fun.
We're doing our stress unit in Relationships...its hilarious. We're all retarded, but we somehow still get through the class.

Well thats it. No exciting news yet.

Peace Out!

Love You E_ric!

atragedyapart @ 2005-04-04T17:43:00

2005-04-04T21:46:28Z

Holy crap today was GORGEOUS! I love Spring. Although i need to do some MAJOR spring shopping!

Well i'm out.

HELLO MY LOVELY SEANY! I LOVE YOU!!!!!
EVOLIJIF!!!!

Peace Out!

Love You E_ric
KWAM...

atragedyapart @ 2005-04-03T14:06:00

2005-04-03T19:14:19Z

as usual. nothing exciting.

Friday, i went to WeeYams. which was tight as shit. I hadn't chilled with them in so long, so Friday was really fun.
Saturday i hung out with Persey. We were crazy, as usual.
I saw Ryan for the 2nd time in 2 years. i had mad butterflies, but everything was straight. Well, until he made a comment about me flipping my car. Then it kind of went downhill from there, but overall, it was straight.

I guess thats it...But wait!

I GOT INTO VCU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!

well peace out!

Love you ej.

atragedyapart @ 2005-03-29T21:18:00

2005-03-30T02:26:00Z

well going back to school sucked...boring as hell. but whatever.

no exciting news.
still waiting to hear from VCU.
Anna got into JMU, so i'm SOO pysched. thats gonna be fucking awesome.
Went out to dinner with Zach Anna and Grams tonight. haha. what a fun time.
Nathan and i went back to being friends...which is a relief. this whole thing was a lesson to be learned, so im glad ive moved on, and him and i are on the same page.

And thats about it...

Peace out.

love you EJ.
KWAM...
miss you.

P.S-Craig, i love you so much. thank you for everything. i never could have done it without you. you mean the world to me.

My Spring Break....

2005-03-27T01:18:46Z

Well like i always say...its time for a much needed update.

SPRING BREAK 2005.
BLAH.

Spent the night at my Dads friday night and headed to Vermont 5 AM Saturday morning...an 11 hour drive. SHOOT ME. It wasn't exciting. All the fields and moutains looked the same and there was snow from VA to VT.The week was hell, i'm not gonna lie. My Dads temper got the very best of me, and so i was basically miserable the whole week. I was in tears the day we got there, and was already making plans with my mom to fly home. I'm not gonna go into detail about this Spring Break. All i'm gonna say is: People in Vermont are assholes. Well not ALL of them, but they are nothing like us VA people. They all have sticks up their asses, and that really pissed me off. I don't like New Hampshire either. I don't like any place North of New York. Its that simple. I don't like long car rides, i don't like going site seeing, i don't like my step-family bitching at each other for a fucking week straight, and well i DIDN'T LIKE THIS SPRING BREAK.

End of Story.

Thank god i'm home. Thank god its over. Thank god thank god thank GOD!

EJ-love you and miss you always and forever.
KWAM...

Peace Out!

atragedyapart @ 2005-03-16T18:43:00

2005-03-16T23:47:31Z

i'm searching for happiness, i'm holding on by a thread,
i'm beating myself up inside, i'm running chaos in my head.
i'm asbolutely miserable, my smile isn't real,
i've lost all motivation, i can't handle what i feel...

this day,this minute,this month,this year, it sucks. I've lost my grip with reality, and i've lost my most precious things. fuck it.

-i love you EJ. 6 months. 6 miserable months.-

atragedyapart @ 2005-03-13T19:04:00

2005-03-14T00:16:32Z

Hmm...where to start...
Well i won't get your hopes up. this wasnt that exciting of a weekend.

Friday: Hung out with Ian. Which was SO much fun. i friggin love that kid. he's hilarious. I got my tongue pierced, but SHHH don't tell me Mom. she doesn't know, and i'm not planning on telling her. Ian got his eyebrow done, which looks real tight...so Friday ended up being random but tight. We went to Vienna Inn afterwards, and right as we were finishing up, EG and Craig rolled in, and so did Chris H.,Char,KT D,Anthony,and Becky W. So we chatted it up and then Ian had to be home at 9. So i took him home and then went to Craigs. We drove around and then went to IHOP for a cup of coffee. It was real nice, cuz i haven't talked to Craig in so long. And it kinda re-kindled things. So that was real nice.

Saturday: Hung out with Persey. had an AWESOME dance party. haha.
Went to Nathans for the night. Watched a movie and drank a little. It was chill.

Sunday: Chilled,washed my car,hung out with joey,Jordan,Deal, and Pat. It was pointless. We did absolutely NOTHING. Went to dinner with my Mom.

And thats about it. Nothing exciting.
By the way: My Mom doesn't know i got my tongue pierced. and i plan on waiting a little while to tell her. So for those of you who are tight with my Mom or talk to her, DON'T SAY SHIT ABOUT IT. If anyone is gonna tell her its gonna be Me. ok? haha ok thanks. peace out.

Love You EJ.

atragedyapart @ 2005-03-09T15:17:00

2005-03-09T20:31:15Z

Well i guess its time for a much needed update...
Friday, i went to New York with Persey and her Dad. (it was my bday present). It was awesome. Such a nice breath of fresh air; and it was so nice to just get away for a little bit. We shopped til' we dropped, or til' we just couldn't feel our legs anymore. But it was so much fun.
Got home Sunday night and hung out with Nathan. Watched a movie and then fell asleep until 2:30 AM. So i woke up Nathan and kicked him out, cuz i needed sleep and still had to go to school (but i got to sleep in). So that was nice.
Went to school for 7th period, which was a waste of time. We had a sub and watched Terminal which turned out to the worst movie. Tom Hanks let me down, but i always have Forrest Gump to look back on.

Yesterday was fun. Went to school, and then while in school i saw HENRY SAMS! I havent seen that kid in 16 months. I miss him. Anywho...i skipped Mr.Webers class, and went to see Blessing with Ashley and Henry. Nick is going to Residential for a year, which completely sucks ass. I'm gonna miss him. Love You Thug.

After we said goodbye to Nick, i dropped off Ashley and then me Bridget and Henry went to Ian's. We couldn't go to Michelle's for some odd reason. But oh well, i didn't give a shit. We chilled at Ians and actually had a lot of fun. Those boys are hilarious, and i always need a good laugh.

I didn't chill with Chuck yesterday...again. I haven't chilled with him in a long time. He supposedly has a big problem with me hanging out with the same people as him. I guess i'm not allowed to hang out with Bridget either. Infact, i guess i'm not allowed to have friends. Thats basically what it boils down to. Will and Chuck just think its so weird that i was hanging out with Bridget. I guess they forgot i met those girls Freshman year. Wouldn't you say so Chuck? Kinda weird that i knew Michelle, Bridget,Erin,Galina,Ashley,Blessing,Anna,anyone else who you think i'm not friends with, or SHOULDN'T be friends with...kinda weird how i met them in 7th or 8th grade, or as far back as Elementary school. I'm sorry. My bad. Let me know who i can be friends with, or better yet, let me know whats acceptable to you. I'm dying to know.
Let me know what makes me different than everyone else.
I don't even know why i'm making this sound like such a big deal. It isn't to you, therefore it isn't to me.Fuck It..

I'm Out.

I love you EJ. i wish you here so bad. I wish i had one more day with you. I'd do anything.

TO EPJ:

2005-02-28T15:03:04Z

I sometimes feel like I’m losing myself, this really might not be my place,
that my life was one big curtain show, that ended in a huge disgrace.
I sometimes feel like I’m doing it, like I’m mentally back to my ways,
and then I picture his face in my mind, and my future becomes one big haze.
I sometimes write my whole life down, seeing my past and today,
and the only place that I can see is that day that you went away.
I remember everything about you, but sometimes I second guess,
that your life is slipping out of mine, and leaving the heart in my chest.
I don’t fear that I will forget you, for I know that can’t be done,
because footprints just can’t disappear, memories can’t be undone.
I can’t just close my eyes at night and act like you’re not there,
because you’re with me all the time, in everything, everywhere.
But I don’t want these feelings to slip away, I’m afraid to lose this shock,
I don’t know if I am capable of keeping up with this clock.
I’ve lived seventeen whole years, three in which were key,
they brought me love and happiness, and delivered you to me.
I told you I would die for you, I didn’t want you to leave alone,
but now I wake up everyday and am reminded that I’m on my own.
I’m smiling all by myself and I have no reason why,
who can laugh at times like these, when I never said goodbye.
I can’t make any promises, its just one day at a time,
I’ll be there when I’m sent for, when my heart beats its last chime.
I just swear I won’t forget you, you’re forever my best friend,
its just turned into a lonely path, but you are waiting at the end.
So until I’ve walked my way through life, and overcome what lies ahead,
Keep sending me sunshine, and I’ll keep rubbing your head.
I’ll keep blowing you kisses, and keep winking at the sky,
Just promise me that you’ll be there when the tears fall from my eye.
By:...Me.

What a WACKED OUT weekend.

2005-02-28T03:07:22Z

Friday:
Went to Michelle's.Decided to get my drink on. Got completely and utterly wasted. Dont remember shit about the night EXCEPT!....i ran from the cops with Zach and Erin K. in NO SHOES and Michelle's cordless phone.Now, WHY i had the phone, I DONT KNOW. But Michelle's was a lot of fun. I found out the next day that MAD DRAMA went down but i'm not gonna get into it because well, i dont fucking want to. But yea, Nathan picked me up from Michelle's cuz i didnt know where i was..i was on Lawyers somewhere (????)..anywho, i went back to his dads house, chilled and then went to his house and chilled, Craig was being an ass so i decided to go home. So Nathan drove me home. End of Friday.

On to Sautrday:
Woke up (Ugh, i wish i hadn't)..chilled. Chuck Joey and Jordan came over. We chilled and then went to EJ's for a cook-out. Everyone was there...Except Deal. I have never been so pissed at that kid in my life. I feel as though i should share this story, although i know he is gonna get all pouty about it but whatever. He knows whats up...anyway..We were all supposed to be at EJ's at 430. Some of us were running late, but we got there, and thats what counts. I called Deal at 530 and asked where he was and he said Foreman was picking him up right now and that he was on his way. About 30 mins passes and Deal hasn't showed up. So i call him AGAIN and by this time i'm getting really pissed cuz i know they are doing some gay ass bullshit that is definitely NOT more important than EJ. So he tells me Foreman had to go meet up with this "dude" and that he didn't have "time" to drop him off so he would "be there as soon as he could." Now, let me REWIND. "Foreman didn't have time to drop me off so we're going to meet up with this dude and i'll be there as soon as i can." Now we ALL know what Foreman was meeting this dude for, and god KNOWS that is SO FUCKING important. I also want to point out the OTHER available choices/decisions Deal could have made:
1) He could have told Foreman that he needed to be at EJ's so he couldn't go with him
2) He could have asked 50 other people for a ride.
3) He could have asked his Mom to drop him off.
and the list goes on...
So anyway, Deal never made it to EJ's. We all left the cook-out and went back to my house, and guess who NOW can make it. DEAL! So he gets dropped off at my house and sits on my back patio for an hour smoking cigarettes and not talking to anyone. By that point i almost walked out there and said to him "if you're not gonna be social then leave cuz i dont feel like having you sit out here and mope all fucking night." But i decided not to be a cold heartless BITCH, and i kept my mouth shut. I didn't talk to him at all. I was just so damn disappointed.
So everyone left my house around 10. I scooped Dari and we went back to EJ's to hang with Craig and Nathan cuz it was Craig's bday..(i think i forgot to mention that) So he wanted to go Bowling, (big surprise) so we all went Bowling..it was actually a lot of fun.
We went to IHOP afterwards and after Dari got picked up by her Dad, i wished i had gone with her. Craig was being the BIGGEST, and i mean BIGGEST ASSHOLE EVER. He sat there for an hour and just bashed the shit out of me. I have never felt so awful in my life. Talk about having a feeling of nothingness...that was it. I just sat there, and it was such a stab in the heart because I look up to Craig so much, and i love him so much. I cherish our friendship more than anything...and to have to sit there and take that shit was heartbreaking. So for the rest of our hellbound visit to IHOP, i sat in silence, holding back every single tear in my eye.

Sunday: Woke up and re-organized my room. I love having organized things. I just feel so together. Picked up flowers and a balloon for EJ. Went to the cemetary and said Happy Birthday. It feels like just yesterday i gave him his new Timbs. He only wore them once, but the smile on his face when i gave them to him was good enough for me. 17, its hard to believe.

Hung out with Nathan today. Things are back to normal and it is such a relief. I just felt so relaxed today. Well, for the most part. I cried a lot today, but being with Nathan made EJ's birthday a little easier.

And thats my weekend....in a nutshell that is...details stay with me. :)
Peace Out! and PRAY for SNOW!! that would be awesome.

Happy Birthday Eric.
Another year older, and another bottle of 151.
Take a shot for me. i love you.

atragedyapart @ 2005-02-27T11:14:00

2005-02-27T16:16:52Z

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

i feel like im losing grip again...i hate this feeling.

Happy Birthday EJ. i love you so much. i can't believe you're gone. I wish you were here so we could celebrate. I'd give anything for one more day. I can't wait to see you.
I love you and miss you...Rest In Peace
KWAM...

atragedyapart @ 2005-02-24T20:33:00

2005-02-25T01:40:05Z

Well hmm...where do i start, or where did i leave off? Birthday weekend perhaps?
Ok well anyway...this week has been pretty chill. Got home from VCU and found out Wyrick was in town from NJ...
I went to New York for a field trip on Wednesday...that was real tight except i FROZE MY ASS OFF...good lord it is cold up there! But yea we saw those "The Gates" which was real tight. When you see them or hear about them they dont seem interesting but the way they fit perfectly in Central Park is just amazing..and they took 23 years to make...its truly a sight to see.

Chilled with Adam last night...we had a nice time catching up. I miss him a lot but after last night and hearing all his stories, i think he truly found his place...and i hate to say it, but NJ has become the place for him...He is so happy there, and i'm really glad to see it. He deserves it.

Hung out with Chris Cody Char KT D and A.Stahl today. We watched Elf and just chilled at Chris' crib. I absolutely love chillin with that group. I dont know what it is, but im just so happy around them. They are just a fun group of people...

Chilled with Deal tonight...we chatted it up at Panera. Which was relaxing. Now i'm home, about to watch CSI...im praying for no school.

Peace Out!

Love you and miss you EJ.
Keep Winking at Me...

BIRTHDAY WEEKEND...

2005-02-21T23:55:20Z

Ok so yea this one is gonna be kinda of long. I had a pretty detailed weekend...

So Friday was my birthday duh. and it kinda sucked cuz i was the DD for a couple friends, and i wanted to be wasted...but its OK. sometimes ya just gotta make sacrifices. I did get drunk so i should be thankful. So, Will, thank you.

Saturday...chilled out for the day. Mad hangover..but it was all gravy.
Went shopping with Latoya cuz we had to get some stuff for Sadie's...then we met up with out group, went to dinner at a Japanese Steak House..and i spent mad money there which kinda sucked cuz i'm not empployed therefore its just sayin' peace out to my money...moving on-went to the dance which sucked and then came home changed,went to Joey's for a couple mins and then went and talked with Nathan.

I'm taking a mental week to get my head screwed back on. I've been pulled so many different directions this past month, so i told him i'm layin low for a little while. But yea enough about that.

Went to VCU on Sunday with Chuck,Will, and Sean. We didn't leave NOVA until 2:30 which got me so heated cuz Will and Chuck were fucking around while i'm trying to get the fuck out of here...but it was ALL good cuz it was SUCH A TIGHT NIGHT.
We got to VCU and just chilled with Tor. Sparked a few, and then a couple more, and a couple more, and well you get the point.
We went to Kailash's..i LOVE that kid, and i know Will does too. He can't remember his name but we just cracked up at him the whole night..
Tory got a keg for me, which was SO tight. We just drank all night..i got a CHUG MUG and ended up spilling beer all over my jeans. Oh well.

Thats my night in a nutshell...THe major details are for me to know and for you to...well, never find out.

Peace Out!

What Up E_ric. i love you and miss you.

18 BITCHES!

2005-02-19T18:19:23Z

Yes Yes ladies and gentleman...i am 18.
I can now buy porn,jacks,vote,have legal sex-HAHA YUM!, no curfew..yada yada..i am FULLY AWARE.

My Birthday was a slow start to be honest...but it was AWESOME.
I got $$, a TRIP TO NEW YORK WITH MY BEST FRIEND. HOLY SHIT. i got bling bling, and so much more...

I hung out with persey after school..we ate some lunch and then i went to Michelle's and met up with everyone...they were WASTED...so i ended up driving around Anna and Felice cuz they were shit faced...yup i was the DD on my 18th birthday. I was crying at Chipotle..it sucked...
So hours went by. We took Zach to Austins..that took 2 hours...Felice got her belly button pierced...and we FINALLY went to Chucks where i FINALLY got to drink at hmm what time?? 730!! but it was ok..i was completely shit faced last night. OMG it was awesome..it made up for my horrible afternoon.
But we drove around after Chucks cuz we had no where to go..and everyone wanted to go to my house and i refused cuz we ALWAYS go to my house...so we ended up crashing at Anna's at like 12...so it was all gravy.
Sadie's tonight with my pyro...i'm excited!!

and then OFF TO VCU TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!! OWW OWW!! MORE PARTIES! WOOT WOOT!

Can't wait.

Peace Out!

Wishin' you were here to celebrate with my EJ...i want that more than anything in the world. Keep smiling at me baby...i'm smiling right back. :)

atragedyapart @ 2005-02-17T12:04:00

2005-02-17T17:14:40Z

I havent written in a while. I'm sorry Char!
haha..i haveno news...my Birthday is tomorrow and i'm so fucking excited.
God damn i can't wait.
Things with Nathan are getting better. The guilt trips have slowly faded away and i think he has realized that i can't spend EVERYDAY with him. which is a big relief for me because i hate guilt trips and i hate having the feeling that he thinks i dont want to spend time with him..but anyway..

Yesterday was 5 Months for my EJ. It has gone by so fast, but so slow at the same time. It still seems like just yesterday. I'm still numb.

Well thats all....i'm 18 tomorrow bitches!

Sorry about this one Char...the next one will be more detailed.

by the way..i'm also pissed...i can't get an S40 right now but my Grandfather can buy my grandmother a flippin' BENTLEY! WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT!

oh well...
Peace Out!

What up E_ric. miss you and love you.